I am a bit of a nervous flyer. I don’t particularly like flying alone, but I knew I needed to do just that to attend The Inspired Story Conference {more on that here}. After hearing about the conference earlier this summer I knew I wanted to go. Then I realized the cost, thought I couldn’t go, then {miraculously} was able to—truthfully, I knew I would get to attend this. I knew the first day I read the description. I just had to wait and see how it would happen.
I will also be honest in saying that I learned early on, years ago, how to trust God with my finances. I want to share more about this later, but I will say that I have truly seen Him do outrageous things with my humble earnings, simply because He can. I long to lay other things down, this is really not my gift—not worrying. I want to radically trust Him more, better, earlier. I want it to be a natural posture for me instead of getting worked up in doubt.
This summer has been sharp and poignant. So many summers have fallen together, hard to keep the memories and details apart, not so with this one. This summer, the last of my 20s, is strangely weighted. I still feel a sense of deep heartbreak over the death of Philando Castile. The week before leaving for Dallas, though, felt more hopeful and progressive—I knew I was in for a treat and couldn’t wait to experience all that lay ahead.
So, I got on a plane after waking up at 4am Friday morning. Immediately I felt a rush of nervousness when I realized we were flying on a small jet. We settled in for the two-hour flight, I fell asleep, and woke up about halfway through. The flight was mostly empty so I moved to have more room. I couldn’t fall back asleep and sat there while the plane shook. Turbulence frightening me, I opened my Bible.
My eyes fell on Psalm 33:4 The word of the Lord is upright, and all his work is done in righteousness.
I said it over and over to myself. This verse has shown up multiple times since that flight—while I was journaling in my devotional, on the way home as I navigated flying without a phone (my phone died sometime Saturday night) while I made my way home to St. Paul, and then just last night it was read to me, of a complete random choosing. Clearly this verse is meant to impact me. I’m not sure as to what or how, but I am going with it.
My biggest, most prominent, real-time take away from my time in Texas is two fold:
I’ve been operating in many parts of my life without genuine love. I don’t know where things got a bit unraveled, but in the rush and busyness of honestly trying to be successful I think I’ve misplaced the drive for excellence without the foundation of healthy, Christ like love for myself, those I hold dear, and my clients.
I’ve not been leading with gentleness. I am not a naturally gentle woman. I want to be. I am hoping that God can mold me and that I can be submissive to His will. That I will listen to Him better, closer, ear to the ground.
Speaking of the ground… One of my favorite experiences this past weekend was hearing Joy Prouty speak. This was the second time I’ve listened to her and both experiences have left a profound impact on me. Joy loves God, her family, the craft, but most of all– Jesus. I’m hoping The Inspired Story releases videos/audio of the speakers because there was so much meat there.
Anyway, Joy shared how as photographers we often are getting down to eye level to get our shot. We have to see things from a different perspective. And so we get low. Things are different down there visually and often more appealing. God can use us most effectively when we are gentle and humble.
This is what I am learning and taking with me. This is what I am hoping for as I head into the most hectic time in the year.
{All photos from my time in Texas on our planned shoot-outs Friday and Saturday evenings. What a blessing that time was!}
